Today I learned that my first martial arts teacher died in a car accident last weekend. He was 59 and had only retired from his job as an EMT two weeks ago. Because I was saddened by the news, I didn’t notice at first that the message telling me about it ended with “Stay safe.” It’s a common response to hearing about a tragic accident. For many people, it’s even how you say goodbye, a secular descendant of parting with a blessing. But something about it always feels off to me.
When someone says, “Stay safe,” it’s shorthand for “I care about you and don’t want anything to happen to you.” That’s a sentiment I can appreciate. We should be grateful that people care about us enough to worry. But there’s more behind that particular phrase than the intended meaning, and it kind of grates on me.
Asking the Impossible
Hearing about bad things happening to other people reminds us of our vulnerability, and makes many people want to take extra precautions. “Stay safe,” could be simply a reminder not to take unnecessary risks. When you hear about a fatal car crash or someone falling in the Grand Canyon, you want to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone you love, so you remind them not to drive recklessly or stand too close to the edge.
But to me, “Stay safe” asks the impossible. It feels like an attempt to hide from the truth that the world is an unpredictable place. You can drive safely and still be killed in a crash. Or you can avoid driving at all and be run over by a reckless driver. You can stay home from the Grand Canyon and die tripping on your own porch stairs. If there is a message to take from a meaningless death, it is not to “Stay safe.” The lesson we should learn is that no one is guaranteed tomorrow. And if today is all you have,
Don’t waste it.
I was in middle school the last time I saw my jiu jitsu teacher, and I have no idea what he did with his time off the mat. I hope he made the most of it. But so many people put off their dreams for retirement, and not everyone gets that far. Or they retire and end up spending all their money on medical care instead of adventures.
Risk and Reward
Lots of things we want to do are risky and scary. It’s tempting to wait until it feels safer. But Warren Miller always says:
If you don’t do it this year, you’ll be one year older when you do.
Warren Miller
Actually, you’ll be lucky if that’s true. You could be dead soon. Better do it now.
On my kitchen wall hangs an illustration of the Repsol Honda that Nicky Hayden rode to win the 2006 MotoGP championship. Hayden died in 2016 at age 35. The early death of a motorcycle racer comes as a shock to no one. What could be riskier than racing motorcycles?
A motorcycle going 200 mph is more dangerous than a bicycle going 20 mph. But it was the second one that killed Hayden. And no one can say he didn’t fully use the time he had. There is no way of knowing which risks will kill us, and there is no way of avoiding all risk. You might choke sucking the marrow out of life. But leave the marrow behind and you risk going hungry.
So by all means, drive with care. Wear a helmet. Belay on. Make good choices.
But whatever you do, don’t stay safe.
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